5 Mistakes Writers Make or What I Learned Judging Contests
The Writer’s Saddle - Calgary RWA’s Newsletter
February 2009.
By Wenda Dottridge
Sometimes, we learn more from others' work than we can see in our own. Judging unpublished contests can give us a window into what works and what doesn't. Here are some of the common problems that crop up in contest manuscripts.
But it doesn't get good until…
…Page ten, usually. Sometimes, a writer's manuscript is like a train pulling out of a station. It takes a while for the story to gather momentum. This problem arises from introducing the essential W5 (Who. What. Where. When. Why.) too slowly. Readers won't wait for ten or twenty pages, they need all of these elements (but only what is absolutely necessary) within the first page to relax and enjoy the rest of the story.
The best openings are like a jet takeoff. Like pilots know they only have the length of the runway to reach optimum speed to avoid disaster, the skilled storyteller packs in everything a reader needs to know within page one.
To give you an idea of what this looks like, here is the opening page of a well-loved classic.
"Where's Papa going with that ax?" said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.
"Out to the hoghouse," replied Mrs. Arable. "Some pigs were born last night."
"I don't see why he needs an ax," continued Fern, who was only eight.
"Well," said her mother, "one of the pigs is a runt. It's very small and weak, and it will never amount to anything. So your father decided to do away with it."
"Do away with it?" shrieked Fern. "You mean kill it? Just because it's smaller than the others?"
Mrs. Arable put a pitcher of cream on the table. "Don't yell, Fern!" she said. "Your father is right. The pig would probably die anyway."
Fern pushed a chair out of the way and ran outdoors. The grass was wet and the earth smelled of springtime.
Within one page we know: Who: Eight-year-old Fern Arable and a runt pig (whom she later names Wilbur). What: A baby pig is going to be killed and Fern's goal is to rescue the pig. When: Early morning, springtime. Where: The Arable farm. Why: Fern's innate sense of justice is revealed in one short sentence. "[Kill it?] Just because it's smaller than the others?"
And with that opening page, readers of all ages become hooked on the children's classic, Charlotte's Web.
But it ruins the opening to put the GMC (Goal, Motivation and Conflict) in the first page…
Which is why experienced writers know their characters must have a small, short-term goal in every scene. Each scene goal contributes to the character's overall story goal, which is revealed sometime after the first scene. Giving away too much, too soon ruins the pacing of a story and so writers often miss putting enough GMC to hook their readers in their opening.
If we return to Charlotte's Web, we see in the first line that Fern doesn't yet have a goal, motivation or conflict. That changes because a story event causes her to act (she sets the believable goal of rescuing the baby pig and her reason is sympathetic—her sense of justice). This makes her, with a few well-placed lines, a fully rounded, multi-dimensional character. True character is revealed by decisions made by characters in the story and GMC is best developed and revealed by a series of character-defining choices.
What was that about Author Intrusion?
Author intrusion happens when the author's goals for a character and story override the character's goals and choices. Too often, writers haven't clearly developed their character's goals and motivation for the story, let alone for each scene, but they have a plot they want to tell. The story becomes episodic—the characters like cut-out dolls being moved around by the author.
In the best stories, the authors know their characters deeply and understand what they truly want. Each character choice in the story stems from that character's true desire (like Fern's sense of justice overriding the harsh realities of growing up on a farm). To avoid author intrusion write down each character's scene goal and motivation as it arises from the choices offered to the character AND THEN write down your own scene goal. Once you are aware of your goal, do not let it interfere with your characters' goals.
Time for Show and Tell.
Show. Don't Tell. Some writers think they can fix the "telling" problem by writing dialogue instead of narrative. This works, to a point. But even dialogue can tell instead of show. You see this when the dialogue tells the reader information: "Hi, Kathy. I'm so depressed. I hate my job and my love life is terrible." Or, the dialogue tags contain telling adjectives: "Hi Kathy. I hate my job and my love life is terrible," Joan complained, dejectedly.
Telling is just another form of author intrusion. The fix for too much telling is to know what YOU want your characters to say and do, and then ignore your own plans for your characters. Your characters' actions, reactions, words, observations and experiences of the world around them must stem from WHO each character is. Just like method actors become immersed the in a character and ARE that character on stage (or screen), you must immerse yourself in each character and let your characters come alive through your words.
This technique is called Deep Point-of-View (POV). POV issues are at the core of Telling vs. Showing problems. If you've been told you are telling too much, have too much narrative, or your dialogue doesn't move the story forward, read articles or take a class on POV. Or, as a writing exercise, try changing your viewpoint character for a scene or writing the scene in first person. Don't rely on quick fixes like writing dialogue to convey information instead of writing narrative. Telling is telling, no matter how it shows up on the page.
What's with all the Mean Girls (or Jerk Guys)?
Nice characters are bland, boring, and unrealistic. So some writers try to spice up their manuscript by giving their characters more spunk and spice. This is a good thing. But too often the character comes across as just…mean.
Readers need to like the person they are going to spend several hours of their time with. The character must—absolutely, in no uncertain terms MUST—be sympathetic. Sympathetic does not equal nice. But it does mean there is a heroic quality about the character that the reader can identify with.
That takes us back to Goals, Motivation and Conflict. The character's goal (her deepest desire) needs to be worthy (for that character). Her reason for wanting that goal must be understandable to the reader. And this is the biggie. The conflict should result from incompatible or conflicting goals between characters. Conflict is about each character's deepest desires and is not manufactured on the page to show that the heroine is sassy or that the author can write witty dialogue.
When our characters act out of their well-developed GMC, they avoid the mean-girl (or jerk-guy) trap, come alive on page one, show instead of tell, and avoid author interference. Simple, right?
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