Killer Openings
The Writer’s Saddle - Calgary RWA’s Newsletter
June 2008.
By Wenda Dottridge

Openings have always been critical to a successful story, but now, with shorter novel lengths, text messaging attention spans, and the novel incorporating more screenwriting techniques, your first page has to do more than ever before.

In my article "5 Mistakes Writers Make, Or, What I Learned Judging Contests" I discuss several problems with some of the manuscript entries I've judged over the past year. Each of those mistakes can show up in the first two pages of the manuscript.

1. Slow openings. In the article I say: Sometimes, a writer's manuscript is like a train pulling out of a station. It takes a while for the story to gather momentum. This problem arises from introducing the essential W5 (Who. What. Where. When. Why.) too slowly. Readers won't wait for ten or twenty pages, they need all of these elements (but only what is absolutely necessary) within the first page to relax and enjoy the rest of the story.

The best openings are like a jet takeoff. Like pilots know they only have the length of the runway to reach optimum speed to avoid disaster, the skilled storyteller packs in everything a reader needs to know within page one.
To give you an idea of what this looks like, here is the opening page of a well-loved classic.

    "Where's Papa going with that ax?" said Fern to her mother as they were setting the table for breakfast.

    "Out to the hoghouse," replied Mrs. Arable. "Some pigs were born last night."

    "I don't see why he needs an ax," continued Fern, who was only eight.

    "Well," said her mother, "one of the pigs is a runt. It's very small and weak, and it will never amount to anything. So your father decided to do away with it."

    "Do away with it?" shrieked Fern. "You mean kill it? Just because it's smaller than the others?"

    Mrs. Arable put a pitcher of cream on the table. "Don't yell, Fern!" she said. "Your father is right. The pig would probably die anyway."

    Fern pushed a chair out of the way and ran outdoors. The grass was wet and the earth smelled of springtime.


Within one page we know: Who: Eight-year-old Fern Arable and a runt pig (whom she later names Wilbur). What: A baby pig is going to be killed and Fern's goal is to rescue the pig. When: Early morning, springtime. Where: The Arable farm. Why: Fern's innate sense of justice is revealed in one short sentence. "[Kill it?] Just because it's smaller than the others?"

And with that opening page, readers of all ages become hooked on the children's classic, Charlotte's Web.by E.B. White.
EXERCISE: Think of your current work-in-progress. Write down the W5 for your opening scene:
Who:__________________________
What: _________________________
When: ________________________
Where:_________________________
Why: __________________________

Does your first page contain all this information? Yes_____  No______ I don't know.____________

If everything isn't there, rewrite the opening two to four paragraphs until all five W5 elements are there.

2. GMC. In the article, I say:  Some writers believe it ruins the opening to put the GMC (Goal, Motivation and Conflict) in the first page. Which is why experienced writers know their characters must have a small, short-term goal in every scene. Each scene goal contributes to the character's overall story goal, which is [fully] revealed sometime after the first scene. Giving away too much, too soon ruins the pacing of a story and so writers often miss putting enough GMC to hook their readers in their opening.

Megiddo's Shadow by Governor General's Award-Winning author Arthur Slade opens like this:

    The letter was stained with mud from France, but there was a British army stamp in the corner, and the handwriting
    looked fancy and official. Maybe Hector had won a medal! He'd finally given the Huns a good, hard punch on the
    nose.

    I left the general store, nearly tripping on the sidewalk planks as I searched the envelope for clues about its contents.
    I wanted to rip it open, but it had been addressed to Dad. My breath turned to frost in the October air. Hector must've
    jumped out of the trenches and taken a machine-gun nest, or perhaps he'd captured a bunch of Germans. He'd joined      up in 1916, so he'd been over there for more than a year; lots of time to do something heroic. I jogged the half mile to       our farm, watching for our white and green house to appear on the other side of the hill, with the rolling prairie spread        out beyond it.

    Maybe Hector would be getting a Victoria Cross pinned to his chest. He would make the papers all across Canada.
    I stopped in my tracks. I fingered the thin envelope, my mouth dry. What if it's not a medal? What if … I wouldn't let         myself think the words.

    Such dark thoughts had made my legs numb. I leaned against our sign that said BATHE FAMILY FARM. Father had
    carved it to put a name to the fields he'd cut out of the prairie. Land he intended to pass on to us boys.

    No Hun bullet would ever kill Hector, but perhaps he'd been so badly wounded that he couldn't even pick up a pen.           My hand shook as I flicked open my pocketknife and slit the envelope. I'd tell Dad I just couldn't wait to read the good
    news.

    I scanned the first few lines.

If you examine these opening two pages carefully and peel back the layers, you'll see the masterful job Arthur Slade does of establishing the whole novel's GMC in his opening while at the same time introducing a scene goal within the first paragraph. We don't even know this character's name yet, but we know everything about him that is important.
Another important aspect of goals is that true character is revealed by decisions made by characters in the story and GMC is best developed and revealed by a series of character-defining choices.
EXERCISE: Re-read this passage. See if you can find Arthur Slade's Goal & Motivation for his main protagonist. Now look at my answers and see if you're close.

Goal (Deepest True Desire)To experience the glory of war.
Motivation (Worthy reason)To avenge his brother's death.
(This is not stated, but beautifully foreshadowed.)
Now, write down the Goal and Motivation for the opening scene.

Goal To open the letter from France.
MotivationTo protect his father from the bad news.

Regarding the motivation, do you believe me? Reread the sentence where he opens the letter. Remember, that a character is defined by the choices he/she makes. We know he's a boy, not a man, (trips over the sidewalk in his haste) we know he wants very badly to read the letter (he even chooses not to rip it open because it is addressed to his father), we know he wants the letter to confirm his desire for a heroic brother, and we know he does NOT want to face his brother's injury or death. And yet he stops and, despite a trembling hand, carefully slits the envelope. If he couldn't wait to read the good news, (as he claims he'll tell his father) wouldn't he have ripped the envelope open like any teenage boy? Instead, he chooses to open the letter. The reader is already wondering, why? And his scene motivation is cleverly foreshadowed, if not revealed.

Arthur Slade is a master craftsman and uses many techniques to open with a strong, compelling GMC for the scene and for the story. Notice the way he coveys information through an object, the letter. Notice his sensory detail. Notice his deep point-of-view. Notice his skillful way of presenting the W5.

Now, notice the inciting incident that causes his character to have this goal.

A letter arrives from the British military.

Does the inciting incident happen in the manuscript, or is it backstory?

It is the first thing to happen in the story. It is where the story begins. The backstory is delicately woven in; that is, his brother is serving in France, his father has a legacy of land he hopes to pass on, and that all is not right with their father.
Explain how the goal of this character places him in conflict.

His scene goal, to open the letter, places him in conflict with his conscience and his father—the letter isn't addressed to him. His story goal places him in conflict with his father because his father carved out a farm to pass on to his sons. If the protagonist dies, the future of his father's legacy dies with him.

Think of your current WIP. In a romance, you will have to create a GMC for two characters. Write down your Goal & Motivation for your main protagonist and antagonist (or hero and heroine):
                                        Protagonist           Antagonist
Goal (Deepest True Desire)_____________________________________
Motivation (Worthy reason)_____________________________________

Now, write down the Goal and Motivation for the opening scene.
     Protagonist                 Antagonist (if present)
Goal _____________________________________
Motivation_____________________________________

Now, write down the inciting incident that causes your protagonist to have this scene goal.
__________________________________________________________________
Does the inciting incident happen in the manuscript, or is it backstory?
__________________________________________________________________
Explain how the goals of your characters place them in conflict.
___________________________________________________________________
Write down YOUR goal for the character in the opening scene.
____________________________________________________________________

3. Sympathetic Characters. From the article: Readers need to like the person they are going to spend several hours of their time with. The character must—absolutely, in no uncertain terms MUST—be sympathetic. Sympathetic does not equal nice. But it does mean there is a heroic quality about the character that the reader can identify with.

That takes us back to Goals, Motivation and Conflict. The character's goal (her deepest desire) needs to be worthy (for that character). Her reason for wanting that goal must be understandable to the reader. And this is the biggie. The conflict should result from incompatible or conflicting goals between characters. Conflict is about each character's deepest desire and is not manufactured on the page to show that the heroine is sassy or that the author can write witty dialogue. Read this opening from a bestselling romance.

    It wasn't every day a guy saw a headless beaver marching down the side of a road, not even in Dean Robillard's
    larger-than-life world. "Son of a …" Dean slammed on the brakes of his brand-new Aston Martin Vanquish and pulled
    over in front of her.

    The beaver marched right past, her big flat tail bouncing in the gravel, and her small, sharp nose stuck up in the air.
   
    Way up. The beaver looked highly pissed.

    She was definitely a girl beaver because her beaver head was missing, revealing sweaty, dark hair pulled into a short,
    scraggly ponytail. He'd been praying for a little distraction from his own depressing company, so he threw open the
    door and stepped out onto the shoulder of the Colorado road. His newest pair of Dolce & Gabbana boots emerged 
    first, followed by the rest of him, all six feet three inches of steely muscle, razor-sharp reflexes, and unsurpassed
    gorgeousness…or at least that's what his press agent like to say. Still, it was pretty much true, although Dean didn't
    have nearly as much personal vanity as he let people believe. But emphasizing the superficial was a good way to   
    keep people from getting any closer than he wanted them to be.

    Susan Elizabeth Phillips – Natural Born Charmer

EXERCISE: Reread this opening. Notice that both characters have negative traits as well as one redeeming key that make them sympathetic.

Beaver: Strike one: She's in a beaver suit walking down the highway. Not exactly runway model material. But you root for her because she isn't strolling, slumping, sitting dejectedly—no—she's MARCHING, nose in the air. Even if we know nothing else about her, we know she has dignity and spunk.

Dean Robillard:  There is everything to hate about this guy. He's rich and good looking and condescending (he stops to help the beaver to amuse himself, not to help her out). He is label conscious and borderline vain.  So, what saves him? That last line, which actually is the last line on the page. If it had come before the end of the page, it would have come too soon, if it had headed the next page, most readers would have put the book down already. It is the last line of the first page and it's a doozy of a hook. For all his faults, the man is vulnerable.

How do the goals of these characters place them in conflict?

Goals, you ask? It's there. Dean wants to be entertained by the beaver. He wants to be distracted from his own thoughts and his own reality (which, by the way carries on throughout the story). The beaver wants to maintain what little personal dignity she has left. These goals place them in immediate conflict. Neither character can have what they want without the other character giving up something.

Now, go through your opening.

Do your characters have both negative and positive traits? (Negative traits aren't necessary, but do help create deeper characters from the start). What makes your characters sympathetic?
__________________________________________________________________________

How do the goals for each of your characters place them in conflict?
___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________

4. Telling, not showing. From the article: Your characters' actions, reactions, words, observations and experiences of the world around them must stem from WHO each character is. Just like method actors become immersed the in a character and ARE that character on stage (or screen), you must immerse yourself in each character and let your characters come alive through your words.

This technique is called Deep Point-of-View (POV). POV issues are at the core of Telling vs. Showing problems.
EXERCISE: Think of your current WIP.
Whose POV do you open the manuscript in?
_____________________________________________________________________
Can you write the opening in another character's POV?
______________________________________________________________________
If so, in what way would the opening change? Would it be better, worse, stronger or weaker?
____________________________________________________________________________
Rewrite the opening in first person and then back into third person? Does this change the pace, and how deep the POV is?
____________________________________________________________________________

5. Learn from the Pros. Pick up one of your all time favourite books. Open to Chapter 1. Type the first page into your word processor.

Now, answer the questions in this worksheet for that book.

Now, compare your first manuscript page with the first page you typed in. What can you learn from the differences?

Killer openings don't happen by accident. They happen by writing, rewriting, plotting, rewriting, refining and rewriting.  An adage I've heard is that your first sentence should take as long to write as your first paragraph. Your first paragraph as long to write as your first page. Your first page as long as your first scene. Your first scene as long as your first chapter. Your first chapter as long as your first act (3-6 chapters). And finally, your first act as long as your whole novel.

Whether you agree with this formula and whatever your process, great openings take time and skill. The more intensely you work at your opening, the more quickly you can win over readers.

All rights reserved. No part of this article may be used or reproduced in any manner whatsoever without written permission except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.